Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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