Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm both gender and math confused
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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