Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
how drunk are you?
Several
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
