What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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