My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
