If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
