I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
