How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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