Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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