you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize