why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
