I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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