i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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