what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
