I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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