the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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