Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
