I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
