How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
