i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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