so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
