Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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