you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
