Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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