I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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