Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
