I cannot find my penis.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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