Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
