im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
