How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So squirting runs in the family.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
