I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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