im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
babies were throwing up all over the place
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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