PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
