I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
