Yo dont text me then not text me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
