You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
