Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
