I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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