So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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