Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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