please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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