Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
