He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
