That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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