My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
