I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
