a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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