Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
