The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
