Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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