I faked an abortion last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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