like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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