I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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