Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am one with the molecules
i think i just lost a toe
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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