Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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