Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
