dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
