I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
