Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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