She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
