i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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