i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
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And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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