so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
