Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
