it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize