the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
