Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
