SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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