the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
