He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
