If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
