wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's shark week go big or go home
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
