if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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