Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
