So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
