just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
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I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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