i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
