I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
