i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
