Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
